Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Pope vs Shikh (Santa Singh)

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikhs won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle aged man named Santa Singh to represent them. Santa Singh asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came.

Santa Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Santa Singh looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Santa Singh pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Santa Singh pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, First I held up three fingers to represent the trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had answer for everything. What could I do?

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Santa Singh. What happened? they asked. Well, said Santa Singh, First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let
him know that we were staying right here. Yes, yes,.. and then??? asked the crowd. I don't know, said Santa Singh, He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!

Laloo Prasad Yadav

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son
Laloo : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case."
Next Laloo approaches Dhirubhai
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Dhirubhai : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice
president of the World Bank."
Dhirubhai : "Ah, in that case."
Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a
vice president."
Vice President : "But I already have more vice presidents
than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
Vice President : "Ah, in that case."

Technical Support after upgrading from GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0

Problem Report After Upgrading From GirlFfriend7.0 To Wife 1.0

Problem Faced: Last year I upgraded from GirlFfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and Saturday Night Pubs 5.0 crash the system whenever selected. 

I cannot keep wife 1.0 in background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications like Night Club 4.3, Dance Drunk 2.0 and Bachelor Party 7.77. I am thinking about going back to GirlFriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please !!!

Reply From Technical Support After Getting The Problem Report

Ref : Problem Report After Upgrading From GirlFriend 7.0 To Wife 1.0

This is a very common problem that male users complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from GirlFriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge Wife 1.0 from the system once installed. You cannot go back to GirlFriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install GirlFriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warning-Alimony / Child Support" which was given to you at the time of registration with Wife 1.0. Having wife 1.0 installed myself, I feel the best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE.

In fact I would suggest that you use this command every time Wife 1.0 crashes on your system. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional s/w to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or even Movies 4.5 which will improve the performance of Wife 1.0.Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the OPERATING SYSTEM.

Best of luck,
Technical Support, Wife 1.0

Advice From A Colleague On The Problem Report

There is a very simple "Wife 1.0" version which is actually called "Life 1.0" very popularly known as "VMware Workstation 4.0.1 build-5289" could be installed when the "Wife 1.0" is running.

But need to have a very high memory and processing power to control the Wife 1.0 underneath the "VMware Workstation 4.0.1 build-5289". Because if the "Wife 1.0" see anything going wrong between you and "VMware Workstation 4.0.1 build-5289" which causes unexpected child processing (mentioned in the problem) will automatically show an error line like this "Unexpected error occurred-error massage cannot be retrive from Wife 1.0, try uninstalling any program (VMware Workstation 4.0.1 build-5289) previously installed and reboot the machine".

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Wife vs Girlfriend

Question: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Answer: 45 pounds.

Monday, September 19, 2016

প্রেম করা যদি পড়ালেখা করার মত বাধ্যতামূলক হতো?

প্রেম করা যদি পড়ালেখা করার মত বাধ্যতামূলক হতো? তাহলে কি হতো?

১/ মায়ের ডায়লগ :-
আজকে সারাদিন একটা মেয়েও পটাস নাই,
আজ আসুক তোর বাবা........

২/ বাবার ডায়লগ :
হারামজাদা,তোকে খাইয়ে-পরিয়ে কি লাভ?
দশটা মেয়ের মধ্যে সাতটার কাছ থেকে ছ্যাঁকা খেয়ে বাড়ি ফিরেছো........
.
৩/ স্কুলের টিচারের ডায়লগ :- কাল সবাই ৩টা নতুন মেয়ে
ফিটিং করে নিয়ে আসবে.........

8/ হেডমাস্টার :-
তোমরা সবাই মনদিয়ে লাইন মারবে
কোন অসুবিধা হলে আমায় জানাবে..........


/ সবশেষে ছোটো বাচ্চরা :- মা, আজ প্রেম করতে যাব না.
মা : হারামজাদা আজকে তোর
একদিন কি আমার একদিন
প্রত্যেক দিন বলবে প্রেম করতে যাব না,
প্রেম না করলে খাবি কী???

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Ramayana In The Age of Facebook


Teaching

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Coincidence

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COIINCIDENCE?

Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

Weapons of Mass Destruction

A French guy is asking an American, "What proof do you have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?"

The American replies, "We kept the receipts."

কাঠগড়ায় সুমিত